None of these are trick questions. They are the things homeowners actually ask, usually while you are on your knees under their sink working on something else entirely. If you can answer all eight cold, you already have most of what this is about. If you cannot, that gap is the whole opportunity.
Is my tap water safe to drink?
I am not going to tell you your water is safe. That is not mine to say, and anybody who says it without testing is guessing. What I can do is pull up your utility's own report, show you what they are required to test for and what they are not required to test for, and then you decide what you are comfortable with for your family. Most people have never seen that report. It takes about five minutes to read once somebody shows you how.
Why does my water smell like rotten eggs?
First question to ask them: hot side, cold side, or both? If it is only the hot, the water is usually fine and the water heater may not be. That smell is typically sulfur bacteria reacting with the anode rod inside the tank, and the fix is at the heater. Usually replacing the anode rod, depending upon the age of the water heater. If it is on both, we are looking at hydrogen sulfide in the supply itself, which shows up where groundwater has moved through organic material or certain minerals, and it is more common on wells. Same smell, two completely different jobs. Answering before asking that one question is how a homeowner ends up buying a filter that never had a chance.
Why do I have spots on my dishes, film in the shower, and soap that will not lather?
That is hardness, which is dissolved calcium and magnesium. It is not a health problem and I am not going to pretend it is. It is a cost problem. Soap and detergent work harder for the same result, scale builds inside the water heater and anything else that heats water, and equipment wears out earlier than it should. The number for your city is public if your utility chooses to publish it, and some do not publish it at all, because hardness is not regulated by the EPA. Which is exactly why the figure I trust is the one from a test in this house.
Why is my water cloudy or white when I first fill a glass?
Fill a glass and set it on the counter. If it clears from the bottom up in a minute or two, that is dissolved air coming out of solution and there is nothing wrong with your water. It is common in cold weather and after work on the main. If it stays cloudy, or clears from the top down and leaves something on the bottom, that is sediment and it is worth a look. That test costs nothing and settles it most of the time.
Why is my water orange, brown, or leaving blue-green stains?
Again ask the question of them. Hot side, cold side, or both? Color tells you where to look. Orange or brown is usually iron or manganese, from the supply or from older galvanized pipe inside the house, and if it only shows after the water has been sitting or after a main break, that narrows it fast. Blue-green staining is copper, and copper in the water usually means the water is doing something to the pipe rather than the pipe doing something to the water. That distinction matters, because one of those is a filtration conversation and the other is a water chemistry conversation, and they cost very different amounts to solve.
Do I need a water softener, a filter, or both?
Different jobs, and most people are told they are the same thing. A softener addresses hardness, the calcium and magnesium that scale your heater and fight your soap. A filter addresses what you can taste, smell, or would rather not drink. If your complaint is spots, scale and soap, that is hardness. If your complaint is taste, smell or something specific you read about, that is filtration. Plenty of homes have both problems and end up with both, but you should know which one you are solving before anybody quotes you a number.
Will it actually remove lead, PFAS, or bacteria?
Depends entirely on the technology, and more importantly on whether that specific product is independently certified for that specific contaminant. "Filters contaminants" on a box means nothing at all. A certification for lead reduction means somebody tested that unit for lead. Ask for the certification for the exact thing you are worried about, and if nobody can produce it, that is your answer. This is the easiest place in the whole category for a homeowner to get taken, and it is the question I most wish people asked more often.
Can you just test it and tell me what is actually wrong?
Yes, and it takes a few minutes. Here is why it is worth doing even if you have already read your report. The utility reports what leaves their plant and travels through their mains. It does not describe what comes out of your tap, because between those two points the water has been through the service line and the plumbing in this building. The report is where the conversation starts. The test in your kitchen is where it gets answered. And if your utility does not publish hardness at all, which several do not, the test is the only answer that exists.